I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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