Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
