dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
