I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
