Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
