She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
