u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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