It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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