did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
