I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't deserve a penis
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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