she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Randomize
