He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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