when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize