new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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