I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
