i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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