You're my little dorito
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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