I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
