Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
