I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
