he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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