I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
