Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
