i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize