Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
