I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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