we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
