How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
