I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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