Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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