My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
