I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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