Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
