I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
