you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
