What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize