You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
