No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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