We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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