um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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