Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
