I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
