Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
