I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you didnt know i had herpes?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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