i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
