You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize