ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
