His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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