There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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