I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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