Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
