He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
