Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
