nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
