All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
