ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
