My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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