the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
no, he came in my armpit
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
