I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
