After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Less talking, more tequila
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
