I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
