he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
