Non-Jews are for practice
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
