Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
