So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Houston, we have a squirter
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
