At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
