Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
