go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he was CRYING into my vagina
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Randomize
