last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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