i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I love you. Go after that dick
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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