yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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