I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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