Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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