Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
only you would photoshop your dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
