Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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