normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
