Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
