I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
