they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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